Breathing Place

Eyani practically became my shadow for two days after our little pow-wow on the beach. He was never waiting near the entrance to Nandi’s and my cavern or anything. But when I would go to join the clan for the morning meal he’d suddenly be at my side. He would stay glued to me until a little while after the evening cook fires were banked, and then would up and disappear.

I was grateful for his quiet company for the most part; though I was a little worried he was doing the Azu equivalent of playing truant. I still don’t know how kids are handled in the clans. There isn’t the human type of child rearing where kids follow their parents around and learn from them. They just kinda run around as far as I can tell.

Anyway, he was following me around pretty much nonstop. He would talk to me here and there, and would even ask me some of the same questions the others did. It didn’t bother me as much coming from him. He wasn’t fifty different individuals clamoring at me all at once, or a feeling of being crushed by a thousand alien things. He was just little, timid Eyani; about as far from intimidating as humanly (Azu-ly?) possible.

By the third day, though, I was starting to get a little irritated. I could barely pee without him around. It was like having a little blue nanny or something. Except instead of scolding me, he’d just stare up at me with his huge green eyes and ask if he could touch my eyebrows or something. I tried not to be upset with him. It wasn’t his fault I was feeling so out of sorts, but enough is enough.

I’m embarrassed to say I did end up snapping a bit.

I was sitting just on the boundary where the plant life ended and the beach began, scowling at a structure on one of the plants. It looked like it had flowers growing out of little pneumatophore-like structures at the base of the stem. The hell?

Eyani was flopped next to me. Nandi came trotting up to us and began examining the plant from over my shoulder. “Do you want to eat this thing?” he asked cheerfully, “You like so many plants.”

I ignored him. Eyani perked up at Nandi’s arrival, though, and asked me if I wanted to eat it too; which then prompted Nandi to ask me eating only plants made my bowel movements more difficult. That was a bit more than my current mood could handle.

I stood up suddenly, sending Eyani sprawling (I’d been his shoulder rest), and glowered at the two of them. I didn’t know how to say “None of your business” in Azu, but got my point across.

“That is not for you to know!” I snapped. “No more questions!” Eyani huddled down into a little blue lump, and Nandi flattened his ears and looked confused.

”Why do you anger?” he said. He seemed concerned, but I’m still not very good at reading their expressions. Maybe he was insulted.

I felt awful. My anger had immediately cooled after my outburst, and shame had flooded in to take its place. I turned away and dropped to my knees in the sand, sitting on my heels and feeling my face burning with humiliation. I didn’t even know how to say I was sorry in their language. So I muddled along with “It is nothing. Foolishness,” but that sounded pretty damn feeble.

Nandi didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t quite get up the courage to turn and see his expression. After a moment I heard him moving away through the grass, back toward the dens. I felt like the world’s biggest ass.

I turned around to face the little blue lump behind me. “I’m sorry, Eyani” I said in English. I thought perhaps the sentiment would be understandable. He ignored me and pretended to be asleep. World’s. Biggest. Ass.

Ugh.

I got up and began wandering along the beach’s piddly little excuse for a wrack line, kicking everything out of my way that wasn’t sand. I was getting to the point where I was seriously wondering if I shouldn’t ping Ground Zero station and ask to be removed from the project entirely (since I was clearly not capable of handling this), when Nandi returned with Kohric in tow.

Great. It’s the principal, come to expel me.

Nandi said nothing and veered off to sit beside Eyani. Kohric came straight up to me and stared up at my face. My throat closed on whatever feeble excuse I was considering, and my face began burning again with embarrassment. “Come,” was all he said, and he tugged at my wrist. I followed him in silence as he led me up the switchback path up the cliffs. He didn’t speak either. I felt worse with each turn up the path.

We went all the way to the top of the formation, where the surface was scrubbed smooth by wind and rain. There were a few plants and shrubby things crammed into crevices, but little else, except for one enormous tree clinging to the edge of the cliff’s edge. It was one of the weird “breathing” trees I’d seen when I first landed on the planet. Even from the dozen or so meters away, I could hear the slow, rhythmic sound of air passing in and out of the fluted openings on the trunk.

Kohric sat down right where he was and turned back to look at me again. “What is wrong?” he asked in English. He didn’t sound angry. I felt a little encouraged. Maybe I could avoid expulsion after all.

But how to explain everything to him? He didn’t know enough English, and I didn’t know enough Bhukaosi to get much across. I sat next to him and fumbled with my boot laces, trying to think of something. Kohric didn’t press me to speak (I still can’t believe how patient he can be) and after an eternity I finally blurted the only thing I could really think of.

“I’m a stranger.”

Kohric chirped (an Azu-nah chuckle) and butted his forehead against my shoulder. He practically knocked me over. “Come,” he said, and once again grabbed my wrist. He took me over to stand right on the cliff’s edge, under the tree. It was much louder up close.

“This is a breathing place,” he said in his own language. “Come. We will give strength to the fire inside.”

I moved so that the tips of my toes were almost hanging out off the cliff, and looked out at the seemingly endless water. The sound of the waves and the tree were soothing. The salty sea air was in my nose and mouth. A gust of wind blew up the cliff and into my face, flinging tiny drops of seawater against my skin. The warm air felt like an embrace. For the first time since I’d landed on the planet, I wasn’t analyzing anything or comparing this world to Earth. It felt like Minerva itself was giving me a little hug of welcome. It was okay for me to be here. I was not an intruder.

I didn’t even realize I had tears running down my face until Kohric began chirping again. “Hyoomans make so much water!” he said. I smiled and sat down next to him, my feet dangling off the edge. We looked out over the water together.

I put my arm around his withers and gave him a hug. “Thank you, Kohric.”

He gape-grinned. “You chose a difficult ibalamaru,” he said. “But that will give strength to you. You learn much as you walk our paths. Tee-Tee is not a stranger. I will teach again tomorrow.”

“But before that,” I said, “I need you to teach me how to say ‘I’m sorry’.”